“You shouldn’t have given him an option you didn’t want him to take,” my best friend said.

“It didn’t matter what options I gave,” I said. “If he really wanted to stay, he would have tried harder to stay, even when I gave him the option to leave.

You know how when you’re in a car and it’s pouring down rain, you go under a bridge and everything stops. Everything goes silent and it’s almost peaceful. Then you finally get from under the bridge, and everything hits you a litter harder than before.

You were my bridge.

“I hope we last. I hope we do.

But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me:

I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable - only for you though, only for you.

Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too.

If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending.

Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.

I lose myself in you.

Is that a bad thing to say?

I can’t help but want to
be with you
all the goddamn time.

It’s almost sickening.

I’m sorry that I get
carried away in my love
sometimes.

I just get lost - 
and I never want to
find my way back home.